I do not grieve any more...

I have endometriosis, a Luteul phase defect, and a fairly severe bicornuate uterus (mullerian anomaly). A dr once told me I would probably never carry a baby to term. My husband new this when he married me, he wanted kids. Well as soon as we got married I went off of the birth control I'd been using for 9 years for pain management. 3 months later I was pregnant. We told EVERYONE. I went to the doctor at 9 weeks and she was quiet during the ultrasound. Baby didn't look 9 weeks. She sent me for a blood draw and then a subsequent blood draw. The numbers were not promising. Two weeks and two ultrasounds and 3 more blood draws later, it was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage. I had a d&c and a laparoscopy to remove some of the ever growing endometriosis. I felt empty and sad and stupid for grieving someone I'd never met. I felt broken. It took me a year to conceive again. I am one of the lucky ones though. I went on to have four children including a set of twins. So much for not being able to carry! I do not grieve any more. But I will always remember how that felt.